The experiences shared by the one who suffered from depression (part 1)

Some people can’t seem to find peace 
Part 1: What inspired me to tell my story?
A few months ago, a woman logged in my inbox and confided that after reading one of my status she found out that there was a period when I was depressed, and that I looked surprisingly very well this time. She confided, she was a doctor and also was struggling with depression, she said: “I am very stuck and pessimistic…”

Troubled minds
 So, I shared with her and confided in her very much, very sincerely, considerately what I had experienced and overcome to get rid of  the disease … After a while, she wrote me a much touching letter: “Today is my birthday, I write a few lines to thank you, a very sincere friend in virtual space, who  has raised me up to gradually win the pessimistic mood, and overcome depression. This must be a predestined fortune for me, really!”

And today, I again have heard that a likeable young fellow, a painter artist, has been suffering from depression for months; and my heart is overwhelmed with deep sadness. 
And suddenly, a thought flashes up in my mind that I can share my experience to who may have signs of depression, so that they can recognize themselves and try to overcome the disease with sound basis and infinite love for others.
For most of people, “the sick” means a person who has to lie down; only those who have some signs of a very clear physical collapse can be recognized as “patients”.  “Mental illness” is often stigmatized and considered as “pretense” or “illusion”. In the early stage of disease, people with depression still try to show a normal state: they work, feed themselves, go and come normally. They have a great difficulty in expressing their problems to their relatives and in asking for help. And I’m not an exception!
It is not easy to admit that you have depression
Back to 20 years ago, after a long process of divorce due to unnecessary delay, I fell into a state of constant tension. First of all the headache was getting more often, the eyelids quivered constantly. I used to sit a long time yawning like an addicts, as if I was suffering from suffocation or lack of oxygen, felt nervousness and anxiety whenever I got to think.
Gradually, there arose other symptoms like fear of noise, fear of strong light, anger of noise, tension, excitement, sleeplessness at night, feeling blue in the morning, drowsiness, lethargy…
Next symptoms are the sense of self-disgust, feeling ashamed of the worthless. All efforts in work are discontinued because of energy shortage and low capacity of concentration… that lead to self-pity and crying alone. I no longer concerned about appearance, was afraid of wash, seriously gained in weight.
Next, there occur momentary episodes of craving for death, desire for lying down like a corpse … that come along with headaches, shaking painful muscle contractions around nape and shoulder, constant eyelid collapse, repeated colds, all of that lead to vomiting, fatigue, loss of muscle strength. Having no energy at all, I was afraid of the opposite sex! Hairs fell patch by patch and got silver fiber by fiber.
These symptoms often recur, that make me have always to struggle with pessimistic mood and deadlock. While my body and my mind are troubled, I have to take all of my strength to work and raise my children. I was alone and lonely in my illness, because if I say that I am suffering from depression, people will laugh at me or ignore me or think I am an “illusionist” or I am an eccentric.

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